Zombies Run & Ce Jaye Shambles
It all began—as it usually does—with an alert on my phone.
My ex-roommate (hereinafter known as Beach Mermaid) messaged our group chat to say she’d downloaded a fitness app. If you knew Beach Mermaid, dear fiend, you would not be surprised by this questionably intelligent preference for exercise and fitness. Be that as it may, Beach Mermaid’s text began a slid into unprecedented territory for me: fitness.
Most of my previous jobs have been blue-collar work and thus heavily involved in physical labor. Be it custodial work, event set-up and tear-down, warehouse unloading, or simply volunteering, I have spent the first two decades of my working life on the move.
And then the pandemic happened. And then I lost my job. And then I promptly found a new one which was suddenly remote. Behold! The wonders of working from home! I was in raptures! My body…was not.
One of those pesky laws of thermodynamics says that a Ce Jaye at rest tends to stay at rest and a Ce Jaye in motion tends to stay in motion. My pandemic body was definitely at rest. On my butt. Behind a desk. I didn’t leave my house from November 2020 to March 2021 except for food.
No one should be surprised that my body, much less my mind, rebelled in March. It was now incredibly difficult for me to even leave the house for ‘simple’ tasks such as acquiring the mail or taking out the trash. It was clear, even to me, that something had to be done. And thus I began to walk.
Just a little at first. I cannot accurately describe to you the mental sludge I waded through in order to take those first few steps into the neighborhood across from my apartment complex. In hindsight, I displayed an incredible amount of courage and perseverance. At the time it just felt icky.
But as weeks passed and I continued to explore my little stretch of neighborhood wilderness, it eventually wasn’t so hard anymore. Sure, I wasn’t winning any fitness awards. But that’s never been one of my goals anyway. I was outside. Soaking in the sun and the nature around me. Occasionally even recognizing that other living, breathing human beans existed around me with a tentative wave or two. I was, in essence, quite content to walk a few times a week and took pride in that progress.
Enter zombie stage right.
Zombies, Run! is a maniacal app from the minds of Naomi Alderman and studio Six to Start. It’s part of a growing interest in exergaming (that’s a thing?), no doubt fueled even more by the fires of the pandemic, where body movement and general fitness are incorporated into a game. You—Runner 5—are dropped off in the midst of a zombie infested area and must make your way to Able Township aka your base. During your run you will be treated to the excellent audio acting of the weird, highly entertaining characters that reside in your new home. This is not continuous audio, mind. It usually appears in 2-3 minute bursts spaced out evenly depending on how long you timed your exercise to be. When audio begins my background music or podcast will dim slightly. I like using my bluetooth headphones to temporarily ‘pause’ the secondary app so I can focus more on the story. I was very impressed that it only pauses the secondary app, not the audio story.
Not only does your running and/or walking save you from multiple zombie denizens hungering for your grey matter but it also earns you supplies so you can build up your base. This is where the game part of the exergaming comes in. Supplies allow you to build training areas, farms, and expand the total area of your base. I also enjoy reading the pithy explanations of each type of supply unit you acquire during your walk.
The game allows you to adjust how long you expect to walk/run . Go over your guesstimated time? No worries! Radio Abel with ‘play’ music while still keeping track of the extra distance for you.
Of course, a survival game involving exercise and zombies would not be complete without a zombie chase. That’s right, fiends. Audio zombies are after your braaaaaaains. Run!
Or, you know, at least walk a little faster. For those of you not interested in putting on an extra burst of speed (I’m looking at you, menstruation days), you can simply deselect the zombie chase mode.
As a creative sensitive-intuitive, I have a BIG imagination. Add to that great audio cast, dialogue, and bloody terrifying sound effects and I am literally running for my life from nonexistence zombies. I’m sure my walking neighborhood thinks I’ve gone insane. My secret is I’ve always been a little madd…
App Breakdown
Negatives:
There’s a free version.
But Ce Jaye, isn’t this supposed to be a list of negatives? Oh yes. The problem is the little devils hook you on five free running episodes and then you have to wait SIX WHOLE DAYS to get ANOTHER EPISODE. As I have nerves of steel, I simply reran the first five episodes a few times while I waited. I can wait six days for 24 more episodes…but it was not to be, dear fiends. You have to wait six days PER episode. As my nerves are merely steel and not titanium, I ended up purchasing the annual package for $39.99. Curse their successful marketing ploy*!
*Creatives deserve to be paid and paid well for their artistic expressions.
Infrequent Zombie Chases - This may be a positive for you, but the free version has very infrequent chases. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel like you’re being chased. However, the paid version of the app allows you to select the frequency of chases so this negative is easily fixed.
Positives:
Fun! - I would not be running if it was not fun, I assure you.
Creative - I mean what kind of genius nerd decided to marry zombies and exercise?!? Much kudos to you, Naomi Alderman!
Cheap - I made about $30,000 a year at the time of purchase, and I was still able to afford the 40 bucks for the annual fee.
Fitness - This should probably be in the negative category (kidding!), but I am definitely walking more frequently. And yes, even running on occasion.
And that’s that, fiends. Decide for yourselves if this exergame matches with your mojo. If yes proceed to google play or the app store and check it out! If no continue on to the next step in your utterly brilliant day! It’s not often I can present you with a no-lose situation, my fiends.
See you next time!
Ce Jaye
P.S. I don’t get paid to share this with you. I just love it to death…damn those fast zoms.