Fay Tale - Chapter Twenty-Seven

Maidd stood well away from the corral railing as Lily trotted by on her pony. He was less concerned about getting kicked or bit than the princess falling off when the pony inevitably tried to grab a bite of ogre flesh.

He watched her bounce painfully in the saddle for a few turns around the ring and sighed when the pony suddenly veered away to wander into the middle of the ring and stop. Lily flicked her reins and drummed tiny heels on the pony’s side but it merely twitched an ear before lazily scratching an itch. She’d been out there for nearly half-a-mark and the only tired ones were the riding instructor and Lily. The pony seemed as fresh as when he’d been pulled out of the stable and clearly still full of mischief.

“Why don’t they give her a lame old nag?” Maidd muttered.

Because an old nag can’t run her to safety.

Maidd was proud of his lack of reaction to the sudden voice in his head. He must be getting used to thrice cursed vampires.

“You’re sure you can’t read my mind?” he asked aloud, half seriously.

First off, I wouldn’t want to delve into the sickly green orb of yours, Seris drawled. Secondly, I have good ears. Thirdly, incoming.

“What-”

Something soft slapped against his back. Maidd felt little claws latch onto his uniform then slowly climb up his back. He turned his head just as a small, furry face poked up over his shoulder. The prince was actually pretty cute in this form, but the ogre refused to say so.

Now that the vampire had physical contact, Maidd could respond in kind.

Can’t she at least practice on a nag first? Maidd thought at Seris.

Even a nag wouldn’t do what she wanted. She isn’t comfortable in the saddle and the horses know it.

Can’t she just ride in a carriage?

As much as it pains me to agree with the king, Seris sighed, it’s much safer if she can learn to ride on her own.

I don’t get it. Less than a candlemark ago she was feeding them all carrots and sugar and even led a great hulking beast around like it was a puppy, Maidd said. But the moment she gets in the saddl-

She’s afraid.

The ogre glanced at the bat again. Seris clearly had something on his mind so Maidd called up all the patience of his ancestors and settled in to wait. Thankfully, the prince waited only a few moments because ogres weren’t genetically predisposed to patience.

You know that she’s adopted. What we didn’t tell you is how we found her.

Maidd continued patiently waiting. Maybe someone from his human side was especially patient. A sage maybe. Or a wife with a trying spouse.

Angelis and I were doing circuits of the kingdom. We’d camped in the forest and when we woke the next morning a few things had been stolen. A blanket. A small bag of food. It wasn’t earthshattering, but I wanted to know what could possibly sneak in and out of a camp full of royal guards and two vampires without waking anyone up. Angelis scolded me, of course, but I went anyway.

Good to see you haven’t changed any for my benefit.

The fruit bat chittered irritably at the interruption before resettling into a better position. The riding instructor had given Lily a break from the painful trotting and was now directing her to turn her pony in the opposite direction.

The pony was turning all right. In circles.

I followed my ears and nose to a hole in a tree that’s twice as high up as you are. She didn’t have any clothes. Her hair was a matted mess. She was stuffing her face with Angelis’s peaches.

“She was living in a tree? Alone?!” the ogre demanded aloud.

Lily looked in his direction, and Maidd quickly gave her a reassuring wave.

I won’t bore you with the details of how I lured her out of the tree, Seris continued, but it took weeks for her to trust us. By then the king had sent messengers asking why in the ninth circle we weren’t doing our jobs. I sent a message back saying if he didn’t pull the royal scepter out of his ass, he wouldn’t live long enough to see his granddaughter’s coronation.

I can’t imagine the king taking that very well, Maidd thought dryly.

He sent Bremen next. Thankfully, the damned cat was absolutely fascinated with her. He’s a capricious creature, but if you can get him on your side, it’s a fair wager you can get the king to go along as well.

That was pretty important decision, adopting her I mean, Maidd said slowly. You didn’t think someone had left her for a trap did you?

It was a pathetic trap if so. Naturally, the king had Lady Aisha examine her minutely the moment she stepped into Endyr. Even brought out Verbaedenbenhamid just in case.

Which is probably when she noticed the Fay-touched issue.

Seris grumped irritably. He still sore over Maidd’s revelation that the king had already known about Lily’s “big secret.”

Anyway it’s a good thing he’s thorough, Maidd added quickly.

The bat managed to snort deprecatingly through their bond.

If he had a stick any further up his ass, he’d be dead.

Or having a far better time than the rest of us.

Seris chirred in amusement as he climbed further up to settle onto the collar of Maidd’s uniform.

Regardless, Lily was proven harmless—at least magically speaking—and an official pronouncement went out proclaiming her as my child went out a few months later.

You didn’t try to raise her secretly?

The court would’ve treated her like a bastard. The king would ignore her. It was safest that way.

It kept you from losing her.

Maidd understood. He’d loved all his ogre pups before he lost them to the culture of the horde. At least humans aged slowly. Gave you more time with them…

We haven’t gotten much out of her about her time with the Fay, and she was too young to remember her family at all, Seris said. The only memory she has that far back is being on horseback galloping through a forest. Either it stumbled or the Fay killed it because she and her protector were thrown. She broke some bones in the fall. It probably killed her protector. Then the Fay took her. As first memories go, it’s not great.

Meziroth’s fangs, Maidd sighed. No wonder the pup hated riding.  

Without warning Seris leapt off of Maidd’s shoulder. The bat glided for a few spans then flapped over to where Lily sat with sullen defiance. The riding master’s expression was hardly better, but he cut off his lecture at her shriek of joy as Seris landed on the pony’s mane. He nuzzled into his daughter’s hand, letting her pet him for a few moments before he took off again.

“Daddy! Come back!”

He didn’t go far. Choosing to circle around her just out of reach. Lily kicked the startled pony into motion reining in the direction of her father who led her on a merry chase across the arena. With her father to both distract and goad, Lily momentarily forgot her fear in favor of catching up to him. Maidd couldn’t speak to her posture, but at least the hooved beast was going in the direction she pointed it.

Finally the prince deemed the session ready to end—likely because it appeared Lily was about to grow bored of the chase—and appeared suddenly beside the animal. The pony sidestepped in surprise at the sudden manifestation, but Seris anticipated the motion and steadied Lily as he grabbed the reins under the animal’s chin.

“Hold still you useless dog meat. You’re lucky I don’t have you put out of my misery for tossing my daughter around like a sack of potatoes,” Seris informed the pony who wisely quieted.

“Lily is a sore sack of potatoes,” the princess said sadly.

“Lily is a sack of potatoes no longer,” the prince declared, scooping her off the horse and handing over the reins as the riding instructor trotted up. “Enough torture. I’m stealing my daughter.”

“Yes your highness.”

Maidd couldn’t tell who was more relieved, the instructor or Lily. Maybe the instructor’s horse.

“Definitely the horse.”

Maidd was proud that he only levitated a few fingerspans at the sudden voice at his feet. When he looked down, Bremen was frowning up at him.

“You used to jump higher.”

“I’m used to being startled by you.”

“What if I’m a bad person coming to steal the princess?”

“As long as they put her on a horse, the royal guard will catch up in no time.”

“That’s just rude. She’s gotten so much better than she was.”

Bremen raised up onto his hind feet and rubbed his head demandingly against the ogre’s shin. Maidd sighed but leaned down and gently rubbed the cat’s cheeks.

“Why are you here, Bremen?”

“To cause trouble, clearly,” the cat purred.

“There’s plenty of places you can cause trouble. Why here specifically?”

“No reason,” the cat insisted.

In fact, he had been banished from the king’s quarters when Anand had heard Zara screaming. He hadn’t known exactly what Bremen had done to cause the screams, but he knew it was undoubtedly the result of the cat’s machinations so out the royal advisor had gone.

Thankfully a servant appeared at that exact moment, distracting the ogre from his intended line of questioning. The woman was clearly apprehensive as she approached him. Maidd made no attempts to put her at ease. Smiling or making small talk seemed to have the opposite affect so he’d given up on both.

Bremen, contrary in nature as he was, took the opportunity to twine around the ogre’s legs.

“G-Guardian Maidd?”

“Yes?” the ogre replied when it was clear she was waiting for a response.

As if there’s multiple ogres running around the castle, he sighed inwardly.

“This invitation is for you.”

“Who’s it from?”

“The Royal Courtesan, sir.”

Maidd froze. Why in the nine hells was Zara sending him an invitation? To what? For what?

“Thank you,” he said, taking it with the care one might handle magicked poison ivy.

The servant bowed and quickly took herself off.

“Well? What’s it say?” the cat demanded, lifting up on his hind legs to peer upwards.

“I don’t know. I haven’t opened it yet.”

“Open it! Open it now!”

Bremen’s tail lashed with impatience. The ogre was tempted to stow the invitation away just to make the cat suffer. It wasn’t every day he had something to tease Bremen with after all…then again, he was too curious not to open it. He scooped up the cat and set Bremen on his shoulder so he could read as well.

Sighing, Maidd opened the invitation, noting he did so that it was the perfect size for his hands. The ogre grimaced but slid the invitation out of the protective sleeve.

To the esteemed Protector of Her Royal Highness Princess Liliana Mirandas of Eirendyr, the Guardian Maidd.

I formally request the pleasure of your attendance at the manor of Her Grace Lady Giselle of Dubek for her yearly Hunt as guest of the Royal Courtesan Zara of Deephold.

I await your answer with great anticipation.

Yours always,

Zara

“Well that’s something,” Maidd said.

When the cat didn’t immediately respond, he glanced down to find that the cat’s mouth was gaping in shock. Maidd would have to remember to stay away from those needle sharp teeth as well as the claws.

“What’s wrong? Why are you staring like that?” Maidd demanded.

“He invited you to the hunt! The Hunt! That poxy faced half-livered lemon haired-”

“Why is this a bad thing?” the ogre interrupted, sensing the cat could wax eloquent on his foe’s many defects.

“Because allllll the nobility are dying to get in there! It’s the who’s who of the who’s is!”

“I don’t think that makes sense grammatically speakin-”

“They’re going to hate you even more than they already do! Nobility have killed to get into Lady Giselle’s hunt and that vixen-poxed wash rag just invited the stupid ogre!”

“Thanks,” Maidd said dryly.

“Watch your back,” the cat said seriously. “Nobility and royalty alike have been known to go down under a well-placed arrow.”

“It would have to be a very unlucky arrow.”

“Unlucky?”

“Yes. It’s generally considered unlucky to piss off an ogre.”

Maidd scooped the cat off his shoulder and set him on the railing before tucking the letter away and walking off.  

Bremen watched the ogre go and decided perhaps he wouldn’t leave any mice in the ogre’s shoes anytime soon.

~~~

Maidd and Lily were in the middle of bath time when Seris burst into the princess’s room, door thrown open dramatically.

“What are you planning?!” the prince demanded then paused when he saw no one.

“In here, dearest and most beloved prince,” Maidd called from the bathing room.

“Hi daddy! I’m clean now!”

Seris pouted as he walked in the direction of their voices. He hated when no one was around to admire his carefully planned, dramatic entrances. But when he poked his head inside the bathing room, he couldn’t help smiling at his daughter as she beamed up at him.

“Maidd is drying me off! I got super oily and then super bubbly!”

“There was a lot of oil from mechanics tutoring today,” Maidd agreed.

“And bubbles!”

“The bubbles were a mistake,” Maidd admitted.

Seris raised an eyebrow at the bubbling masses which still filled the tub as well as some parts of the floor.

“I like bubbles!” Lily insisted.

“And I love you,” Seris interrupted, “now let me see how clean you are.”

He scooped her, towel and all, into his arms. Then he pecked her cheeks and nose until she was shrieking with laughter.

“So what’s all this about planning?” Maidd asked as he mopped up some of the bubbles with another towel.

“I want to know how in the eleventh hell you finagled your way into an invitation to tomorrow’s hunt,” Seris growled in-between more kisses and shrieks of laughter.

“What hunt?”

Seris paused to stare at him.

“…are you serious? Tell me you are not serious!”

“I’m never serious. I’m just the Maidd,” the ogre replied as he mopped up the last of the bubbles.

“Don’t make me bite you.”

“Last time you bit me you nearly broke a fang.”

“I’ll-”

“Daddy! No bitin’! Angel said so,” Lily interrupted, waggling a finger sternly at her father.

“I didn’t bite,” he promised, kissing the finger. “I just said I want to bite him.”

She squinted up at him. Suspicious.

“Are you being mean to Maidd again?”

“Very mean. I might cry,” the ogre said seriously, earning a glare from the prince.

“Daddy!”

“I didn’t!” Seris protested.

“I’m just teasing, Lily. Daddy has been very nice to me recently. I think it’s because he got scolded by Angel again.”

“Daddy is scolded lots,” Lily sighed.

Seris’s mouth dropped open.

“Careful. A fly might get caught in that,” Maidd said with obvious amusement.

“Where is my sweet, angelic baby? My darling daughter?!” Seris demanded.

“I’m right here!”

“No, you can’t possibly be Lily. She would never say I’m scolded lots,” he pouted.

“But you are!”

“Not as much as you!”

“No arguing in the bathroom, pups,” Maidd said, shoving Seris out the door.

Seris hissed his displeasure but dried his child off the rest of the way before spending the next quarter mark carrying her around on his hip and deciding what she should wear. Lily wanted to wear an eye-watering mixture of colors while Seris insisted she match his current ensemble of varying shades of brown and an emerald green that matched his eyes.

Maidd solved the problem by picking out green leggings and Lily’s favorite purple tunic.

Meziroth strike me if Angelis doesn’t go insane from their nonsense in the next five years, the ogre thought wearily.

“Maidd’s makin a face,” Lily informed.

“Yes, I can see that,” Seris said. “Should we not tell him about the hunt because he’s making faces?”

“Yes! It’s a secret, Maidd! A secret!” Lily said.

The hunt is an exclusive gathering of nobility as well as those of the artisans which have been particularly favored this year. Or at least those capable of riding well enough to join in the hunt, a familiar voice echoed in his mind.

Hi Angel. Come to save me from being picked on? Maidd asked, amused.

I’m simply evening the sides, the older prince replied as he walked into the princess’s room.

He paused long enough for a hug from Lily and a kiss to the cheek from Seris before sitting on the child’s bed.

Isn’t it unfair for both of the smart halves to be on one side together? Maidd asked slyly.

Angelis chuckled softly, making Seris squint in suspicion at the two.

True. But they make up for it with their lack of social convention and dedication to getting their way. In any case this invitation is very exclusive. Every high-ranking invitee is supposed to bring someone whom they favor highly or consider worthy of note.

Well, I’m definitely big enough to be worth noting, Maidd replied.

Hm, perhaps.

Perhaps?

I cannot speak to Zara’s motivations, but he often has more than one reason for his actions. Plots within plots as it were.

Should I refuse?

Angelis hesitated and Lily chose that moment to start climbing up her Guardian’s leg.

“Maidd! I want to come on the hunt too!” she insisted.

“I'm not sure I’m going,” he reminded. “And you can only come if you ride really well.”

“Oh.”

She slid back down his leg and onto the rug with a disappointed thump.

“What’s Maidd gonna ride?”

“What can Maidd ride? We’re all dying to know,” Seris purred.

The ogre shot him a narrow look.

“I'm sure they expect me to keep up on foot.”

“Can you?” Lily demanded.

“I can’t outsprint a horse, but I can keep up with one at a trot.”

“They’re not going to be trotting,” Seris pointed out as he scooped his child up again and set her on her feet. “Hands.”

Lily obediently raised her hands over her head so that her father could tug her tunic down over her head.

“What are they hunting? Deer? Birds? Boar?”

“Dubek,” Angelis informed.

“I’m guessing that’s the dubek from Her Grace Lady Giselle of Dubek.”

“You would be correct.”

“Great. What are they?”

“You’ll see,” Seris sang as he smoothed down Lily’s tunic. “Only serious hunters are invited. If they can’t hunt, they can’t come except as one of the invitees guests.” Seris shot a significant look at Maidd. “And those invitees are expected to protect their guests from any unfortunate incidents that might occur.”

“Sounds fun.”

“To be quite honest, I’d be careful but not paranoid,” Seris continued. “You’re Lily’s Guardian. That means something even if you’re a half-witted ogre.”

“Daddy!”

“I’m joking, Lily.”

Seris distracted her by tossing her onto the bed. She shrieked laughter but stopped when he tossed the green leggings over her head.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself. Put those on and then we’ll go hide in the garden from Angel.”

“Were you bad again?” she asked as she wriggled into the rest of her clothing.

“I am the pinnacle of sainthood. The peak of all that is good and beautiful in this world.”

“That means yes,” Maidd decided as he tossed the comb at Seris.

The vampire caught it and showed a rude amount of fang before dropping onto the bed behind his daughter. He carefully brushed out the damp golden waves then began to braid a quick tail so that it would stay out of her eyes as they played.

“Is Maidd gonna be okay?” Lily asked.

“Maidd will be fine,” the ogre reassured. “They can’t run full out in a forest anyway. I’ll be able to keep up in the trees.”

Probably. If not at least he’d blend in somewhat to avoid getting stuck with ‘accidental’ arrows.

“You might be surprised by this forest,” Seris cautioned, “At least that ugly hide of yours should be able to blend in even as big as you are.”

“Sounds like Daddy’s green with envy over my excellent camouflage, right Lily?”

“Very green,” the princess nodded.

Seris hung on to the tail of the bouncing braid until it stopped moving and he was able to tie it off.

“I’ve changed my mind. I won’t miss you and your dreadful puns.”

“You’d miss me. I’m very punny,” Maidd insisted.

Seris shot him a rude gesture from behind his child’s back then scooped her up and carried her to the door.

“Bye Maidd! Have fun playing run and cover!” Lily said with a wave.

Seris slammed the door shut before Maidd could reply. The ogre sighed. Going to this party probably wasn’t his worst idea. But that honestly wasn’t saying much given what his worst had involved. At least this forest wouldn’t contain a gigantic toad…probably.